EOTIP Adventure: NOUN PREPOSITION ADJECTIVE NOUN

NOUN PREPOSITION ADJECTIVE NOUN - A low-level adventure using the W.T.F. system.

Welcome travellers to Wizguardionerra, land of high adventure! Many terrible beasts and fantastic mysteries await you inside the dreaded Noun Preposition Adjective Noun: Gold! Jewels! Dagger +1! Peer past the ferocious guardians of this lonesome landmark to find a world of untold riches, never before seen by the eyes of mortal men! Do you have the strength, the intellect, the... charisma... to brave the foes and dastardly puzzles within? Only the boldest will return with the tales of high adventure!

NOUN PREPOSITION ADJECTIVE NOUN is designed for low-level players using the advanced version of the W.T.F. (Wizards, Thieves & Fighters) rules system. Experience Points in W.T.F. are earned on a gold piece conversion system at a 1-to-1 ratio, which means this unreasonably tiny dungeon will hold enough gold to feed an entire continent for a decade, or rather, advance a Fighter to level 3. Many of the encounter areas in the NOUN are unlabelled and intended to be rolled on the random tables provided; this is to encourage a flexible game play experience by ensuring each adventure in NOUN PREPOSITION ADJECTIVE NOUN is unique (and also super inexpensive to write).

VILLAGE RUMOURS (1d4)

1 - "Did you notice that NOUN only a few yards outside the village? I wonder if that's where the fabled lost treasure is."

2 - "I heard there's a lost treasure in the NOUN just past the old mill. I haven't bothered to check into it though because I'm just a crummy NPC villager, and don't actually DO anything."

3 - "Though there are rumours of gold riches enough to feed millions of citizens in the NOUN, I don't expect anyone will want to investigate, even though the kingdom has an entire army of soldiers at it's disposal. There might be orks in there! Orks!"

4 - "Even though the NOUN is the only location within a hundred miles that might be conceivably large and mysterious enough to be hiding the fabled lost treasure, and even though the village has stood under the shadow of the NOUN for the last seven centuries, nobody knows where the lost treasure could possibly be hidden."

THE NOUN

RANDOM ENCOUNTERS (roll 1d10 each hour, or when entering an unlabelled room):

1 - 2d6 Orks

2 - 2d6+1 Orks

3 - 1d4 Skeletons

4 - 1d6 Ork Skeletons

5 - 1 Black Pudding

6 - 1 Mustard Jelly

7 - 1 Peach Marmalade

8 - 1d6 Orks + 1d4 More Orks

9 - 1d1-1 Owlbear

10 - 1d2 Bearowl

AREAS

Area 1 - Entry

Three Ginormous Spiders  nest here, guarding 5gp. Webs above can be burned, revealing orks. The door to the South is trapped with poison darts - Save vs. Staffs & Wands for some reason or suffer 2d6 poison damage.

Area 2 - Guard Room

Seventeen orks are crammed into this 10'x15' room somehow. They are guarding against intruders, even though they are locked in a dungeon with no food to eat in an out-of-the-way room, and have no way of knowing if intruders are entering the dungeon since they keep the door closed. They attack immediately.

Area 3 - Dragon Den

Even though this is a low-level beginner adventure, a colossal ancient red dragon guards this room. If the party attempts to speak with the dragon, he attacks. If the party attempts to avoid the dragon, he attacks. If the party is outside the NOUN and confined to the safety of the village, he attacks. He breathes fire - Save vs. Falling, somehow, or suffer 3d20 fire damage. His treasure consists of 4,000gp and a shield +1.

Area 4 - Zombie Room

This incorrectly-titled  room actually contains eight orks. The door to the East is trapped with a spell of petrification - Save vs. Indigestion (now we're just making stuff up) or be turned to stone permanently. Inside an old sock within a hollow nook behind a brick beneath and old panting locked inside a safe is 60,000gp, 155,600sp, 1.7Mil.cp, and an emerald worth 50gp.

Area 5 - Trap Room

Players who enter, look at, speak about, or even posit the existence of this room are killed instantly. No save.

RANDOM ADDITIONAL ROOMS (roll 1d8 to determine shape and size of any additional rooms needed):

1 - Square (10'x10')

2 - Inverted Square (10'x10')

3 - Diamond (10'x10')

4 - Triangle (15'x20')

5 - Circle (π10'²)

6 - Rhombitruncated icosidodecahedron (15')

7 - Rectangle (15'x25')

8 - Some kind of blob shape, like a cave or something that kinda looks like a lumpy peanut (???)

CONCLUDING THE ADVENTURE

Worthy adventurers who fearlessly navigate the NOUN PREPOSITION ADJECTIVE NOUN are rewarded 50gp by the grateful villagers. Players looking to trade gold pieces for Experience Points will have a difficult time, as the massive injection of thousands of gp worth of liquid capital into a primarily agrarian feudal economy grossly devalues the local currency and destabilizes the national value of gold - such diminishing returns will entitle the party to 50 Experience Points.